sleepyjohn00 (sleepyjohn00) wrote,

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Hunting season opens this weekend.

For those of you that don't know, zombie season runs from the middle of January through February 13th.

Zombies must be at least 3'7" or you have to throw them back.

San Francisco has a catch and release program if you love the sport but just have a hard time putting grandma down.

Unlike other game species, the Zombie population is actually growing. So there is no limit. Yet there are still some rules.


1. When hunting in a group of three or more, the person who runs the slowest gets first shot.

2. If the zombie doesn't go down with the first shot, subsequent shots shall be taken by the rest of the party starting with the shooter to the first shooters right.

3. People with limps or severe charlie horses are not allowed on a hunt, as these physical conditions make it hard to distinguish them from the prey at long ranges.

4. NO HIGH EXPLOSIVES. (exemption: Georgia and Alabama, where hunting with High Explosives is an American tradition.)

5. One Mulligan per season: When you receive your zombie hunting license you will also receive one (1) Mulligan Card. This card is to be used as an exemption in the case of an accident...Example: A zombie walks by the annoying neighbor who got drunk and pissed on your gladiolas. You take a shot and miss the zombie and take out the annoying neighbor instead...MULLIGAN!

6. Bow and Blade season begins on Jan 2nd.

7. It is illegal to create a "Crawler." A "Crawler" is a zombie that is not bi-pedably mobile. A Zombie that drags itself along with its arms is a tripping hazard (CAL-OSHA Rule 3.7 Sec.23). You must dispatch any crawlers.

8. It is illegal to use children as bait. Any person or persons using children as bait can be fined as much as $13.47.

9. Necrophiliacs are not allowed a license. ( He's the guy with the 'sleeping with the enemy' t-shirt.)

10. The use of dogs is permitted.

11. The use of automatic weapons is prohibited. Studies show that large capacity weapons used during zombie hunting can leave extremely high levels of cordite in the air. ( Which as we all know leads to global warming. )

12. During competitive shoots, switching body parts to achieve a bigger `trophy ' is a finable violation.

13. Keith Richards is NOT a zombie.

14. Keith Richards IS a zombie.

15. No freakin' clue, Keith Richards is on his own.

16. In the event that there is an argument over who shot a specific zombie, the person with the larger firearm shall be deemed the winner of any such argument. (It just saves time and ammo)

17. As of 2/7/2010, it will no longer be legal to use incendiary rounds when Zombie hunting. A flaming zombie is just an accident waiting to happen (and studies show they lead to global warming.)

18. Head shots kill zombies, women hunters shall refrain from close range crotch assaults on the genitalia of male zombies while using large bore shot guns. Such actions cause nausea in nearby male hunters and let's face it, It is just wicked wrong.

19. It is illegal to transport a zombie across state lines.

20. It is against federal regulations to drive a Prius to a zombie hunt. (unless you are French or Canadian)

21. You have to wait for a victim to turn into a zombie before you can dispatch them. ( Cal. Ex-spouse act of 2003)

22. Due to dehydration and limited mental capacity, Zombie attire will appear baggy and over sized. It is not uncommon to see a zombie with it's boxers showing and headgear askew. Because of this fact you will not have to use your MULLIGAN card if someone intentionally dressed like a zombie takes a bullet. (Darwin Act 1997, Not Dressing Like Bambi During Deer Season)

23. Mummies are not Zombies and are illegal to hunt. Unlike Zombies, Mummies are an endangered species. Destruction of a Mummy is a crime and carries a punishment of a $5,000 fine and being made to watch `The Mummy 3,' for 47 hours 22 mins. and 37 sec. (any longer than that would be a violation of the Geneva Convention.)

24. Bringing your catch home and dumping it in the utility sink for your spouse to clean is illegal (except in Mississippi and Alabama, where telling your spouse from a zombie can be tricky).

(ganked from rustysword mailing list)
Tags: zombies

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