October 13th, 2009

Munching SleepyJohn

The internet Oracle speaks

Old Faerts remember The Internet Oracle, whereat your questions would be answered.  Pretty much no matter what the question was about.  But all answers came at a price...

1278-02
Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh mighty omniscient Oracle, fount of all knowledge, keeper of all
> wisdom, here the plea of this poor soul...
>
> What is Kraft American "cheese-like food" *really* made of?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

In order from largest amount to smallest amount, it's made of:

*deep breath*

Thiamin mononitrate, ferrous sulfate, sodium benzoate, benzium sodioate, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, dexadrin, soy lecithin-an emulsifier, kitten katothol, sodium ascorbate and ascorbic acid, pyridoxine hydrochloride, hydrochloric palmitate, phosphoric acid, lactic acid starter culture, BHA, BHT, maltodextrin, LL-cysteine hydrochloride, ammonium sulfate, monocalcium phosphate, THBQ, MVBMS, bits of Jimmy Hoffa, ethylhexyl p-methoxycinnamate, oxybenzone, 2-ethyhexyl salicyate, homosalate, snips and snails and puppydog tails, PEG-8, silica, cetyl phosphate, acrylates/C10-30 alkyl acrylate crosspolymer, diazolidinyl urea, methylparaben, popylparaben, disodium EDTA, propylene glycol, patent pending, triethanolamine, THC, PABA, canthaxanthin, 5-hydroxy tryptophan, adenosine triphosphate, synthetic iron oxide, nasty squid tentacles, ferrous gluconate, toasted partially defatted cooked cottonseed flour, radioactive waste, titanium dioxide, riboflavin, potassium sodium copper chlorophyllin (chlorophyllin-copper complex), luminescent zinc sulfide, sunlight, strawberry alarm clocks, 1,4-Bis((2-hydroxy-ethyl)amino)-9,10-anthracenedione bis(2-propenoic)ester copolymers, hydroxyethyl methacrylate, vinyl alcohol/methyl methacrylate-dye reaction products, acrylamide, love, sweet love, KAVA, hydrocodone w/APAP, alprazolam, triamterine/HCTZ, some bad vibes that are just making me freak out, man, glucophage,  rantidine HCI, metaprolol tartrate and milk.

And here I bet you thought it didn't have any milk in it at all, huh?

You owe the Oracle a new spellchecker--I burned mine out on this answer.