1) sleep through alarm, wake up 20 minutes late, think, "Well, it's got to get better from here".
2) Go to let the dogs out, in the dim light step directly on a two-pound poop one of them has left on the rug. Swear loud enough to wake up the wife, who takes over cleaning up the mess so that I can get to work. (All relevant deities bless my wife, because she is willing to take over cleaning up dog poop at five in the morning, and hose off my shoes as a bonus) Think, "Well, it's got to get better from here".
3) Find that my work computer has been infected with a Trojan password-sniffer, so 3 hours of downtime to clean off the laptop, and now several programs are broken. Make a conscious decision to STOP SAYING THAT!
The day ended much better, as I had a class for our Tenderfoot Scouts on knife-and-axe. Five kids, cute as a jarfull of bugs. I like teaching at that level. I could never survive teaching as a profession, but showing kids how to saw, chop, whittle, etc. is fun.