Beagles and crack babies both make a lot of noise for something that will fit in the glove compartment.
Beagles and crack babies will chew on anything they can reach, but beagles can reach more.
Crack babies do not try to dig holes and bury week-old chew bones in your mattress.
Beagles sleep through the night.
Beagles and crack babies both lose bladder control in the hallway. Beagles do it deliberately.
Crack babies don't jump on your keyboard and demand WALKIES.
Beagles and crack babies will both lustily enjoy their bedding, but crack babies don't insist on doing it on your foot.
There are support groups for people who are taking care of crack babies.
You can't buy a sign for the side gate that says BEWARE OF CRACK BABY
Beagles are cuter; this is the reason you can't buy a CRACK BABIES 2008 calendar.
Beagles and crack babies had both better be alive when your wife gets home.