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The internet Oracle speaks

Old Faerts remember The Internet Oracle, whereat your questions would be answered.  Pretty much no matter what the question was about.  But all answers came at a price...

Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh mighty omniscient Oracle, fount of all knowledge, keeper of all
> wisdom, here the plea of this poor soul...
> What is Kraft American "cheese-like food" *really* made of?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

In order from largest amount to smallest amount, it's made of:

*deep breath*

Thiamin mononitrate, ferrous sulfate, sodium benzoate, benzium sodioate, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, dexadrin, soy lecithin-an emulsifier, kitten katothol, sodium ascorbate and ascorbic acid, pyridoxine hydrochloride, hydrochloric palmitate, phosphoric acid, lactic acid starter culture, BHA, BHT, maltodextrin, LL-cysteine hydrochloride, ammonium sulfate, monocalcium phosphate, THBQ, MVBMS, bits of Jimmy Hoffa, ethylhexyl p-methoxycinnamate, oxybenzone, 2-ethyhexyl salicyate, homosalate, snips and snails and puppydog tails, PEG-8, silica, cetyl phosphate, acrylates/C10-30 alkyl acrylate crosspolymer, diazolidinyl urea, methylparaben, popylparaben, disodium EDTA, propylene glycol, patent pending, triethanolamine, THC, PABA, canthaxanthin, 5-hydroxy tryptophan, adenosine triphosphate, synthetic iron oxide, nasty squid tentacles, ferrous gluconate, toasted partially defatted cooked cottonseed flour, radioactive waste, titanium dioxide, riboflavin, potassium sodium copper chlorophyllin (chlorophyllin-copper complex), luminescent zinc sulfide, sunlight, strawberry alarm clocks, 1,4-Bis((2-hydroxy-ethyl)amino)-9,10-anthracenedione bis(2-propenoic)ester copolymers, hydroxyethyl methacrylate, vinyl alcohol/methyl methacrylate-dye reaction products, acrylamide, love, sweet love, KAVA, hydrocodone w/APAP, alprazolam, triamterine/HCTZ, some bad vibes that are just making me freak out, man, glucophage,  rantidine HCI, metaprolol tartrate and milk.

And here I bet you thought it didn't have any milk in it at all, huh?

You owe the Oracle a new spellchecker--I burned mine out on this answer.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 13th, 2009 04:20 pm (UTC)
Grade-A milk emulsified, maltodextrin alkalide...

*That* was funny. I haven't thought of the internet oracle for a wolf's age...
Oct. 13th, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
"nasty squid tentacles" *snerk*

I'm impressed, so much oracle for so little groveling. :)
Oct. 13th, 2009 09:41 pm (UTC)
The Oracle channels Tom Lehrer?
Oct. 14th, 2009 07:48 am (UTC)
Reads more like WitchKraft American Cheese.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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